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  • Writer's picturelaurenannbeabout

Three months of motherhood and here are my honest thoughts...




Learning Alongside My Daughter

I believed I was fully prepared for the journey of motherhood. I diligently immersed myself in numerous books and podcasts that covered various aspects of childbirth, breastfeeding, and more. Yet, within just a few days of becoming a mom, reality struck me like a sudden, harsh slap across the face. The truth is, no amount of reading or listening can ever truly prepare you for the responsibility and role of being a parent and the sole provider for another human being. My days are mostly dedicated to learning alongside my daughter. Each week brings new challenges, and just when I start feeling confident in one aspect of parenting, everything shifts again. It could be her mastering a new skill or developing a skin rash that requires my attention. I am and will be constantly learning and discovering fresh ways to care for and nurture my child. Over the last three months, I've embarked on a humbling journey of learning what it truly means to rely on God and seek His guidance wholeheartedly.


The Challenges and Beauty of Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding consumes the majority of my time, and although I find myself complaining at times, I am genuinely grateful for the special bond it creates with my daughter. However, it can be challenging to coordinate her feedings with my schedule, and I often find myself trying to time them just right for my various commitments. Yet, babies have their own unexpected timing, and I end up breastfeeding during events anyway. I admit, breastfeeding in public is still a skill I'm working on and something I don't totally enjoy. My baby tends to unlatch multiple times during a feeding, which can lead to moments of unintentional exposure, making me feel a bit self-conscious. It can be challenging to gauge what others might be thinking when I breastfeed around them. However, I've gradually grown more comfortable with nursing my baby in public. After all, a baby needs to eat, and when she's hungry, she's absolutely ready for a meal. I've come to realize that it's a natural and necessary part of motherhood, and I shouldn't feel ashamed or worried about it. Perhaps my little one takes after her mother – when she's hungry, she's hungry! And that's perfectly alright.

Nonetheless, the moments of intimacy and connection between my daughter and I during breastfeeding are unparalleled. It's a beautiful time for us to bond and share those precious, quiet moments together. And when I see her thriving, pooping, and gaining weight healthily, I'm always overwhelmed with gratitude that she accepts breastfeeding so well. It's a wonderful journey, even with its challenges, and I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything else.


Caring For Myself

I will forever cherish the memory of my first shower after giving birth; it was a truly surreal experience. I can vividly recall the overwhelming exhaustion and feeling somewhat disheveled. Even the act of holding my child on the couch seemed to drain me completely. However, something wonderful happened during that shower that transformed me as a mom. It wasn't merely the act of bathing but rather the ten precious minutes of being alone, praying to God, and knowing my little one was safe in someone else's caring arms, even if just for a brief moment. Since then, I've come to deeply value my shower time, as it grants me a much-needed respite and rejuvenation amidst the beautiful chaos of motherhood. Indulging in social gatherings with friends over drinks, immersing myself in scrapbooking projects, and spending time baking have become my go-to self-care activities. I've learned how important it is to take care of myself so I can care for my child. She deserves that and so much more.


Surrender My Fears

As a mother, fear easily creeps in. After carrying my child for nine months, we shared an inseparable bond. Though we still spend significant time together, there are moments when we're apart, and that's when anxiety takes hold. I find myself haunted by the worst-case scenarios: the thought of someone accidentally dropping her on concrete while holding her, or even someone attempting to take her away when I'm reaching for something on a high shelf at the grocery store. Intrusive thoughts often consume me, and I recognize that some things are beyond my control. However, I am aware that living in a constant state of fear would prevent me from fully embracing the goodness of God and the blessings I've received. I understand the importance of acknowledging my concerns while also placing trust in a higher power. Striking a balance between vigilance and faith allows me to navigate the uncertainties of motherhood and appreciate the gifts and miracles life has to offer. Throughout time, God repeatedly reassures us not to succumb to fear. These verses serve as comforting and empowering reminders of His unwavering presence and guidance in our lives.

“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper.” Psalm 118:6-7

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10


 

I am still in awe of the fact that I am a mother and have been responsible for keeping my child alive all this time. There are days when I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and doubt my worthiness and capability as her mother. In Genesis 18:19, God says ""For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” I firmly believe that God knew we were ready to embrace parenthood, especially with the gift of our daughter, Finley. I have faith that it is my responsibility to fulfill the purpose He has called us to in this beautiful journey of parenting.

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